As I entered the bedroom, Alley encouraged Dink-Dink to bark at me (by making the same mocking barking sound herself). Dink charged at me, coming close to the edge of the bed and nearly giving me a heart attack. She is about eight inches tall, nine pounds, and she absolutely was not allowed to jump off of the bed.
I couldn’t believe her dog-mom was allowing such unsafe behavior to happen on her watch, but this was the direction things were heading in.
This modern War of the Roses had begun to escalate a few months prior, when we had first adopted Dinkles from Little Paws Rescue. Alley and I both agreed that there needed to be a good balance between discipline and freedom, and we both agreed to do our best to keep this ratio balanced.
We started out pretty much the same on day one, with each of us spoiling Dink-Dink about the same amount, and with each of us doing a little bit of (mostly preventative) scolding. Sometimes, when we were mad at her, we would call her “ma’am”, just so that she understood how serious the situation had gotten.
“Ma’am, we do not walk close to the edge of the bed.”
“Ma’am! That’s not food.”
“Ma’am! That is enough licking on that spot!”
As the days passed, I couldn’t help but think about that balance we had discussed earlier. Every time I saw Alley spoiling Dink-Dink a little too much, I felt like I had to move even further in the direction of keeping her safe. Over time, I became more and more of the disciplinarian type, scolding and prioritizing keeping "the child” safe, while Alley became more and more doting, spoiling Dink every chance she got.
Me: Someone has to keep her safe!
Alley: Someone has to give her some love and attention!
I began to only focus on keeping her safe, while Alley began to only focus on loving, squeezing, and hugging. We had become caricatures of who we used to be, with me originally having had a very, very slight lean toward prioritizing safety, and Alley having a very slight lean toward creature comforts.
What happened here?
Schismogenesis
In the 1930s, an anthropologist named Gregory Bateson noticed that among the Iatmul people of Papua New Guinea, certain patterns of interaction led to escalating behaviors. These patterns intensified minor differences that existed, instead of fostering unity.
Whenever one tribesman showcased a particular achievement or skill, another tribe member would not just appreciate it but would feel compelled to outdo his rival.
Soon enough, another would rise to outdo the last, creating a spiraling cycle of one-upmanship, leading to an ever-escalating dance of reciprocity. This vicious cycle became almost cartoonish over time, amplifying explainable behavior into something almost farcical in nature.
Bateson coined the term schismogenesis (from Greek words meaning “the beginnings of a division”) to describe this cycle. He identified two main forms: symmetrical, where both parties engage in similar escalating behaviors, and complementary, where opposite behaviors feed into and magnify each other.
Through Bateson’s lens, the dynamics between Alley and me with Dink-Dink can be seen as an excellent example of complimentary schismogenesis. As I took on a more disciplinarian role in response to Alley's leniency, she became even more nurturing, echoing the escalating behaviors Bateson observed among the Iatmul.
This isn't about casting blame or pointing fingers. It's a natural human tendency. We instinctively seek balance, and when we perceive a shift in one direction, our immediate reaction is to counterbalance. However, without awareness and intervention, this can spiral out of control, leading to polarized positions and a widening gap between parties.
Real World Examples
Sports rivalries provide amazing examples of schismogenesis. If you’re a baseball fan, you probably already know that Boston Red Sox fans hate New York Yankees fans, and vice versa. Why should this be so? After all, both sets of fans have an awful lot in common: both sets like baseball, the teams they root for are in two big cities in the northeastern US, and they all appreciate home runs and strikeouts and stuff like that.
But sure enough, over time, the “working class” mantra of Boston caused Red Sox fans to see Yankees fans as “elites” or “snobs”, while Yankees fans viewed Boston fans as unsophisticated rubes. This mutual stereotyping was further fueled by media narratives, individual experiences at games, and even player interactions. Each side started to amplify the behaviors and characteristics that distinguished them from the other, leading to an even wider perceived chasm… and lots of fights.
If you grew up in the 70s or 80s, you’re almost certainly aware of the Apple and IBM rivalry. On the surface, Apple and IBM both wanted to build computers, and both were participants in a relatively tiny industry (tiny back then!).
However, as time passed, Apple leaned into the more creative elements, while IBM had always been the darlings of the business world. A convenient visual representation of this tension coming to a head can be seen in the classic “1984” ad by Ridley Scott:
Another great example most folks will recognize is the classic vegan vs omnivore conversations I listened to ad nauseum during the 1990s. My vegan friends would continue to double down on their most pure positions, although perhaps a lot of that was genuinely ideologically driven. Regardless, my more carnivorous friends would make sure to meat-gloat around our vegan friends.
And, of course, there are infamous vegan jokes, like this one:
A Warning
Once you start thinking about this phenomenon, you’re going to start seeing it everywhere. Schismogenesis drives political extremism, religious intolerance, individual violence, and all sorts of horrible things the world might be better off without.
However, recognizing these patterns is the first step towards understanding, and potentially, reconciliation. Taking a breath and thinking about what’s happening gives us an opportunity to stop this process in its tracks, especially on a personal level.
On a larger scale, it’s going to take a lot more coordination, and some of these situations are nearly intractable. Still, our best bet at addressing any of the really big problems we’re facing is to do our best to understand them. Hopefully I’ve helped that process along just a little bit today.
What are some examples of this phenomenon you’ve noticed in your own life, or out in the world? Are there some good ones I haven’t touched on here? Let me know in the comments.
Finally, here is a bonus video of Dink-Dink trying to kill me, just so that you can understand that this whole thing isn’t exactly made up:
This is why we had two kids: We keep one safe and give him our undivided attention, and the 6 year old? I dunno where she goes all day.
I never knew the term but am definitely familiar with the phenomenon, both complementary and symmetrical. One of my favorite Key and Peele skits is all about that symmetrical Schismogenesis, dawg: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pKt4gaErvU
Andrew, this is great. Nicely done. I think it’s my favorite among your pieces I’ve read since joining. Such a nice personal way to demonstrate the phenomenon you explain so well.