46 Comments
Feb 19Liked by Andrew Smith

Oh man, what a shitty way to go! (Yes, I did.)

The title of your post instantly reminded me of something less horrifying: This Australian PSA disguised as a catchy song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJNR2EpS0jw

If you haven't seen it, it's somehow delightful, despite being all about gruesome ways to die stupidly. My kids enjoy quoting parts of it after finally seeing it a few weeks ago for the first time.

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author

Nice, will watch later when I can listen to stuff. Also: aren't you glad I lobbed you that soft poopball?

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Feb 19Liked by Andrew Smith

Technically, if it was soft, it couldn't be a ball now could it?

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author

You can certainly have balls that are soft, yes. Jupiter is soft.

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Sorry, Iuppiter.

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Feb 19·edited Feb 19Liked by Andrew Smith

Last I checked, Jupiter isn't made of poop though. But my school level astronomy is hazy at best.

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When is the last time you checked?

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You have reminded me of the terror I had as a child using a port-a-potty. I was terrified of falling in because I was a small child and that hole was huge!

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author

Holy crap (pun!). Write about this!

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There's not much more to it than that, though.

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Oh, there's plenty of crap there!

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I worked on a construction site in my younger days. I still have PTSD from the Port-a-potty pranks we played on each other. Waiting for someone to go in on a hot August day, then backing a truck against the door to trap them, or hearing a rock rattling down the ventilation shaft and knowing you only have a half-second to jump out of the way of Poseidon’s kiss.

I can laugh about it now, but at the time, planning how to sneak in and get out before anyone noticed was a daily source of stress.

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Holy crap.

The unintended consequences of having dookie on your skin would not be great for anyone.

That said, I'm sure I did plenty of pranks at least this bad.

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A terrible way to die! Those who survived the fall probably agonized for weeks and died from sepsis.

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author

Yeah. Back then, a papercut could kill you. This was... more than a papercut.

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Yip, more like a fecalcut lol

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"Fecaltality!"

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100% lol

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Reminds me of the Jackass movies. In one, they chain a dude inside a porta potty at a NASCAR event, lift the whole thing up with a forklift and tip it completely over. Really shitty. Thanks for the Royal giggle Andrew! 😂

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I am going to go ahead and say: that was a terrible idea! Jackasss has had some pretty ridiculous ideas (car up the butt, EG), but that one is extra bad.

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Ya think? 🫣

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Well.. the unintended consequence of the car in the butt is having to tell people about it. The unintended consequences of swimming in doodies could be a lot worse!

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I always laughed at the fake baby being launched from the bike seat into the busy intersection. Horrified onlookers. Oh my.

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author

Still might cause some chaos, but probably a lot less harmful than swimming in dookie, IMO. Yes, those pranks were utterly hilarious!

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I’ve had a couple old fabric chairs decide that rather than support my weight they’d prefer to fall apart and while that’s embarrassing at least that wasn’t deadly so far as I can tell.

Though if I am a ghost, I’m for sure not going to haunt a sewer.

Thanks for sharing that.

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Ha! Thanks for sharing the chair mini-story. I hope you're not a ghost, but then again, maybe it's kind of all right.

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Feb 19Liked by Andrew Smith

All I can think right now is, what possessed them to put the latrine INSIDE!? The castle must have smelled awful. Wow.

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author

I think about poop an awful lot.

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Feb 20Liked by Andrew Smith

Who amongst us doesn’t? Let’s be honest.

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I call them "normies."

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At least King Henry solved the problem of the feud....

Apparently the modern concept of strategic structural engineering didn't exist then. Otherwise they would have built the place out of something stronger than wood and not put the sewer right beneath it.

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Ironically enough, this didn't do doodly (or doodie) to quell the feud!

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How dare you! Haha

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That place must have been revolting even before the collapse. We had a single sewer pipe burst underneath our house. We had no idea why the house smelled so bad, and what’s with all these weird looking flies? The “experts” said that we had a dead animal in the wall and that we should just wait it out. Finally, a plumber found the line break. $20K later, all was well. That was from a single break just a few inches long. A castle built on a huge cesspit? I don’t think Glade makes an air freshener for that!

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Wow, awful!

I guess it's obvious why everyone drank so much back then.

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A great example of galgenhumor, native to Germany, thanks for the shiver. When i read the headline, I thought the article would be about Russia and the horrors of death from official disapproval.

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Oh, you mean all those suicides?

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Yep, guilt and despair over official disapproval, every one.

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I found the below while researching in the GPT-4 for similar kinds of incidents

The incident is known as the Erfurt Latrine Disaster of 1184, and although it was a significant event, it did not directly involve the Petersberg Citadel, which is a later construction. The disaster occurred at the Church of St. Peter in Erfurt, which is located on the Petersberg hill, but the citadel as it stands today wasn't built until the 17th century.

Then I went to Wikipedia and saw the same thing even though the incident page also mentions the Citadel as the location but when I clicked on the link for the Citadel:

Petersberg Citadel (German: Zitadelle Petersberg) in Erfurt, central Germany, is one of the largest and best-preserved town fortresses in Europe.[1] The citadel was built on Petersberg hill, in the north-western part of the old town centre from 1665

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And here is the list of incidents as per GPT-4, some as recent in the 21st century:

Throughout history, there have been various structural failures and disasters, some of which bear similarities to the Erfurt Latrine Disaster of 1184 in terms of their unexpected nature or the lessons learned afterward. Here are a few notable incidents:

1. **The Vespasianus Titus Tunnel Collapse (2nd century AD)**: In ancient times, the Vespasianus Titus Tunnel in Turkey partially collapsed during its construction. It was a significant engineering project that aimed to divert floodwaters, but the disaster highlighted the risks associated with large-scale engineering undertakings of the time.

2. **The Bannockburn Bridge Collapse (1297)**: During the First War of Scottish Independence, the wooden bridge at Bannockburn collapsed under the weight of English troops, contributing to their defeat by the Scottish forces led by William Wallace. This highlighted the tactical significance of structural integrity in military contexts.

3. **The Stirling Bridge Collapse (1297)**: Similar to Bannockburn, the Battle of Stirling Bridge during the First War of Scottish Independence saw the collapse of a bridge under English troops, which played a pivotal role in the Scottish victory.

4. **The Fidenae Amphitheater Collapse (27 AD)**: In ancient Rome, the amphitheater at Fidenae collapsed due to cheap construction materials and methods, killing tens of thousands. This disaster led to building codes in Rome that prescribed seating capacity and construction practices.

5. **The Savar Building Collapse (2013)**: Fast-forwarding to modern times, the collapse of the Rana Plaza in Savar, Bangladesh, was due to structural failure. It was the deadliest garment-factory accident in history, with over 1,000 fatalities, highlighting the importance of modern building standards and oversight.

6. **The Hyatt Regency Walkway Collapse (1981)**: In Kansas City, Missouri, the collapse of skywalks in the Hyatt Regency hotel killed 114 people and injured more than 200. The disaster was due to design and engineering flaws and led to changes in engineering codes and practices.

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So now, back to your question. I think most of the time, it is the belief either someone has checked it, and it is OK, or nothing bad has happened so far, and it is okay. In this case, how many people can safely be in the room before the floor breaks down? However, it is generally that neither we have the expertise to understand what was checked, or even if we have the expertise, we do not know what was reviewed. I am sure there are improvements over time which led to where we are now. Generally, Subsequent events drive the success and failure of a king, and as the saying goes, history is not what happened but what was written. If the king had died in the incident, we would have heard one story, but since he survived, we probably heard a different story about his success or failure.

It reminded me of the incident that you posted a few weeks back:

Garry Hoy was a Canadian lawyer who died when he fell from the 24th floor of his office building at the Toronto-Dominion Centre in Toronto, Ontario. In an attempt to prove to a group of prospective articling students that the building's glass windows were unbreakable, he threw himself against the glass. The glass did not break when he hit it, but the window frame gave way and Hoy fell to his death.

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Oh man, I think Garry's way to die was pretty bad too.

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deletedFeb 20
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I didn't even bother to make such a crappy joke. I knew it would be the low-dangling poo.

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