16 Comments

In our building here in Copenhagen, we have an internal network where neighbors can exchange info, ask for help, sell stuff, etc. But many neighbors use it to vent about e.g. someone drilling after hours or their dog peeing in the wrong place, etc.

What my wife and I noticed though is that every time someone writes a not-so-passive-aggressive rant, they'll almost always end it with some nicety like "Have a nice weekend!"

So we started making fun of it among our friends and now "Have a NICE weekend!" has become our shortcut for signaling someone being upset about something.

I'll consider the "bless your heart" attack for future reference!

Expand full comment

There's an idea called the feedback sandwich (I'm sure you're aware, but it might have other names) where you compliment, then complain, then close it with a compliment.

Example:

You smell great! Is that rosewater in your shampoo? Also, I can't believe how stupid you are at life. I love you!

Expand full comment

Yup, that crossed my mind upon first reading your article.

If you want to take the "passive" out of "passive-aggressive," you can simply go for Gordon Ramsey's much more direct "idiot sandwich":' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rnkr2UN5UU

Expand full comment

I've worked in some kitchens like that.

Expand full comment

Language is so rich. It carries all of our histories, cultures, memories, and the stories of our families and friends and communities. Having grown up in two different lands, being married to a third, and having lived in three others, I've been blessed to have experienced five different universes of coded languages. But perhaps the most succinct one took place two summers ago when we were visiting my mom. Dinner was served but my (teen) daughter was still upstairs and kept saying "yeah I'll be right there". We got tired of calling her, so I texted her. Just a gentle reminder that dinner is on the table, but it ended with a period. I never end my texts with periods, and neither does... well, anyone, right?

My daughter was downstairs in a second.

That's the power of a dot!

Expand full comment

I remember when many of us would insist on always using a period at the end of a text or IM. That was a really weird growing pain we all sort of went through!

Expand full comment

Yes, it seems truth is at the heart of all humor.

Expand full comment

This kind of passive aggression has long been a stereotypical aspect of the way Southerners are portrayed by outsiders, with good reason.

Expand full comment

Yes. I learned this sort of behavior on my first day of middle school, and I was very much not ready for this.

Expand full comment

Mine from the PNW are "yeah no" and "no yeah". It didn't occur to me that these were confusing phrases until I saw them in a meme.

"Yeah no" means something like "I agree with your no" or "I'm with you, that's not okay."

"No yeah" means "I'm following along and I'm with you."

I don't know why we put opposites together like this. We just do. 😆

Expand full comment

That's a good one. Ever notice how people will sometimes say "No" at first when they want to show how much they agree with you? I think it's a preemptive dismissal of objections they might have, letting the other person know they feel the same way as them.

Expand full comment

I think you're right, that probably is where it comes from. It is so interesting to see how language evolves in different regions.

Expand full comment

The last thing I want to do is stand in the way of progress, but when I hear stuff like "irregardless" becoming accepted and standard, I can't help but hearken back to Idiocracy.

Expand full comment

Theres a movie called Vengeance all about NY vs Texas culture and that's where I learned what Bless your heart means

Expand full comment

The one w/Ryan from The Office?

Expand full comment

Yes! Iirc he's told that throughout the movie and then at the end turns it around? Also Ashton Kutcher is really good as super sleazeball

Expand full comment