Earworms

You’re heading into the grocery store to do some last minute shopping. You head down the produce aisle, grabbing a few things as you go along. Nondescript muzak plays from the speakers overhead.

Wait a sec—that music isn’t nondescript. Is that… is that yacht rock?

It is. It’s The Escape Song by Rupert Holmes, and I really hope you like piña coladas, because this is going to be stuck in your head for the rest of the day:

This type of uninvited tune that takes up real estate in your head has a name that makes me think of that scene in Star Trek II where Khan puts some kind of wormlike creature into Chekov’s ear, ultimately controlling his mind.

They’re called earworms.

I asked a couple of fellow writers and lovers of music to say a few things. Here’s David Perlmutter from Made From What's Not Real to kick things off:

Earworms are the best kind of disease and musicians are the vectors.

I love this take. The goal of the musician is to have people listening to your music, and what better way than to infect folks with your sound?

What about when the symptoms of the disease are severe, though? Uninvited earworms are a different matter. Here’s Rudy Fischmann, who writes Rudy’s That Cancer Life Substack:

Ear worms are a constant source of torture in my existence. As a fairly music obsessed person who is almost always listening to something, it’s natural that I’m always thinking about something specific or am constantly reminded of something. It’s like any one of a few TV shows where there is a persistent soundtrack and people inexplicably breaking into song in the most embarrassing of ways.

I just want to eat some food and it’s inevitable that I start hearing some Weird Al in my head. Ok, that I regularly want to eat rocky road ice cream and that I love Weird Al is maybe related, but come on!

That type of ear worm just wears you down, ya know? Sure, hearing “I’m Too Sexy” uninvited isn’t the fun, quirky good time you might think it is. That shit gets annoying fast.

Now hearing the chorus to “Radioactive” by The Firm? That’s not so bad for the first 17 minutes before it turns to a hell of sorts. It definitely still beats the Imagine Dragons song of the same name which has a tolerability of about 6 minutes.

In closing, you’re welcome.

Notice that David and Rudy pointed to two opposite scenarios. In my experience, this is inevitable with earworms: you’re either going to love the experience, or really, really hate it.

Earworm neutrality isn’t a thing.

A few pleasant surprises have arisen, where I find myself tapping my foot along with a mental tune, or wanting to hum along. Some of these songs have been on my radar for years and aren’t surprising to me, like Bombs Over Baghdad by Outkast or Ain’t 2 Proud 2 Beg by TLC. There are plenty of punk and metal earworms too, and the one thing that these songs all have in common is that I’ve deliberately listened to them over the years.

Then, there are the real surprises, like Toxic by Britney Spears, Rock Your Body by Justin Timberlake, and Let Me Blow Ya Mind (Eve/Gwen Stefani). These are songs that aren’t my typical menu selection, but ended up stuck in my brain anyway.

I’m not going to mention any of the other type of earworm: the uninvited and unwanted visitors. That’s just for personal protection reasons, but if you’re keen to share your own negative earworm experience with me today, I’m all ears.