Olive Garden or Olive Garden?

Near the end of high school, I began to realize that I should start doing some adult things. I had a girlfriend and a job, and would soon have my own car.

I looked out there into the world and saw the way adults behaved, and I did my own sort of cargo cult analysis. That is to say, I copied what I saw, but I hardly understood why I was copying it. Adults went out to eat and sat down, and apparently people came over and asked them if they would like more free breadsticks.

Now, I had to discover Olive Garden because my family didn’t really go out to eat very much. We were, ultimately, products of the Great Depression, in spite of the generation that was skipped between my grandparents and me. Sensibly enough, they grew up with a strongly ingrained scarcity mindset, and that frugality had managed to remain in my family.

I’m describing all of this so that you can understand the way I first began to conceive of Olive Garden, because otherwise it might not make much sense. You see, Olive Garden is perceived as something of a meme or joke these days.

You might point out that joking about people who go to Olive Garden is picking low-hanging fruit, and I think you’d be right. Let me be very clear, though: the food is not great, and it’s hardly authentic Italian cuisine. I’ve been to Italy and eaten all kinds of things, although I didn’t really go inside this Burger King in Rome:

However, just because the food isn’t really authentic or particularly high quality, doesn’t mean it doesn’t have value here in the US. For one thing, Olive Garden is incredibly affordable, so while you get what you pay for, you also don’t pay all that much. That means that lower middle class folks can afford to eat there, so there’s a lot of gatekeeping and judgment here in the US whenever Olive Garden is brought up in conversation.

The idea is for one to quickly show one’s disdain for the inauthenticity and poor quality that’s beneath someone of such an elevated status. You probably know me well enough by now to expect me to point out this fundamental attribution error.

Now, let’s completely flip the script.

After a jiu jitsu tournament one time, let’s just say it was like 2003, I was surrounded by other BJJ competitors like me. Being interested in food myself, my ears perked up, and I overheard an interesting (if brief) conversation. It wasn’t very long and I don’t remember the details, but I do remember the main thing I want to share with you today.

It was the way one person said “Olive Garden.”

Let me back up a bit for a moment. You’ve now read that phrase several times, and I bet you’ve said it aloud in your mind every time. I’m also willing to bet that you’re emphasizing the first word, Olive.

That’s very common for brand names, and you’ll hear it with the aforementioned Burger King, Disneyland, or Whole Foods. We don’t say we’re going to the Dollar Tree; we say we’re going to the Dollar Tree.

This framework is why I was caught off guard when I heard the second word in the phrase being emphasized. No, this group wasn’t going to Olive Garden, where rich elites look down their noses at people who believe they are eating authentic Italian food.

Instead, they were going to the Olive Garden, with strong emphasis on that second word, and a much more noble sounding “the” added to the beginning. They were headed to a place where only the finest authentic food was served, and only the very highest class individuals would even be allowed in.

I was struck by how much information this switch in emphasis conveyed. In an instant, the entire perception was utterly transformed. I’ve never forgotten this powerful linguistic effect.

I should perhaps point out that I also did not go inside this Roman Subway, although I did get to do my best Chris Pratt impression:

I’m not here to be the patron saint of Olive Garden or anything. There’s plenty to be critical of! However, I will go so far as to suggest that putting yourself in the shoes of someone dining there before being too harsh might be a good idea.

How about you—did you grow up with any restaurants you thought were fancy as a kid, but then the bubble was burst as you grew up? If someone offered you a breadstick right now, would you say no? Have you ever been to a fast food restaurant in another country?