You know, I always enjoyed telling people how my grandma used to hoard all sorts of seemingly random stuff (ribbons, jars, pieces of string, etc.) What fascinated me about it is that these items weren't just piling up and gathering dust. She had them organized, carefully placed into various containers, and she always remembered where each of them was.
I distinctly recall coming over one day and mentioning that I needed to fix...something. (I can't quite remember what. Let's say it was a missing button on my jeans.) She then told me to walk to a specific chest of drawers in another room, open a specific drawer, find a specific box within that drawer, which contained that one tiny item I needed.
But in all of this retelling, I never truly reflected on what shaped her to become that way. Now that I'm reading your post, I can't help but think she must've had a lot in common with your grandparents and the scarcity mindset of that era.
My grandmother was the same way! First, I think we remembered more things back then. We tend to use external hard drives (like Google calendar, or our phones) to remember things, and so I'm not so sure we're any good at it today. Second, material was much more scarce than labor during the 30s and early 40s (and for far longer in Europe). Today, labor is scarce and we live in an era of material abundance, certainly in the US. Times have changed!
My paternal side came from very little. Frugality was a way of life. Toil, graft and thrift were just way it was. Only time my paternal grandfather left Uk was WW1. His eldest son, RN in WW2. My father conscripted went to post war Germany and upon return never left Uk for 20 years. Graft. Toil. Thrift. Keep everything. Waste nothing. My mother came from similar stock, i just no far less about her family. But trans generational messages were similar. I walk around turning power socket switches off. I shut windows, pull curtains and seal off draughts. I hate waste especially food waste. At least i can compost that back into use. My life in material terms is far richer than my grandparents, because I was lucky enough to receive half decent free education until i was 21. I took up a job with pension after 30 years. I paid for it every month. 10/14% of my salary. I run a 14yr old petrol car. We own our house outright. Free Healthcare is abysmal but we dont have disposal to go private. But at least we can receive healthcare. We are careful about heating. Prices are exorbitant. We heat the people more. Snug elec throws wrapped around with heating on lower than ideal. Long haul holidays are just memory. Who can afford them? Essentially my wife and i are in better place than our parents, but we arent comfortable enough not to worry. So we graft. Toil. And thrift.
Really love how this ended up turning out and so grateful that we were able to connect to collaborate on it. Great food for thought here and I also really love the photos you used! Let's keep talking about this ...
I was brought up by my grandparents and remember how things were kept 'in case'. But when people did that there was no alternative, they often could not buy something they needed. Nowadays everything is available, though once again becoming less affordable. Also, sadly, things are not made to last, and can't be fixed.
My parents were both troubled souls. However, my circumstances were much better than theirs had been as a child (though not always great), and I was more aware of the issues. Since I have managed to have a much more stable mental health than they had, it makes me think their circumstances made them the way they were, rather than being passed down.
I loved this issue and the way you and Kathryn highlighted possibilities to not cancel what was passed on but rather understand. And why not hack the programming?
It is something I have been always interested in and I also witnessed It within my family lineage. Those patterns you receive, once you spot them you better understand your parents, grandparents, and ancestors did the best they could with the resources and information they had. And that is already a lift in many family stories of trials, trauma, and victories. As a black woman and creative this resonates even more with the projected image of what it means to be black, a black woman, a black creative, and just a creative for the genuine thing it is.
I think a lot about what will be passed on. It has even become a quest to hack the programming when needed. To do my part and pass on the best of what I learned. But reading both of you, I wonder if that is even in my control. A gene can be activated with or without a trigger, so what can we do for those coming after?
(This could be a roundtable with those brain experts, mind experts, spiritual experts...)
I will just focus on doing my best now by releasing and understanding and hopefully, that is enough. Infusing the ideas and concepts that I need to grow and reach that place of alignment and peace with what was passed down.
These are pivotal questions and needed conversations. Thank you for tackling the subject and offering us a window into your investigations.
Great idea! Kathryn and I have been thinking of collaborating. It could be an interesting topic especially with a creative angle. Thank you for the guidance, it is of worth!
True! Resilience is certainly a mindful trait to pass down. I guess we just double the resilience we receive.
Even if there is no weighting of resilience, many of our parents and ancestors experienced a tougher time in many ways. Nevertheless, knowing our new world of ease, we also bear the fruit of resilience. I guess it a human story, it will never change and its not the point. "Yin and Yang", we thrive in those dark places and maybe that is the continuous superpower we pass down.
I can't explain the bit about skipping a generation, but there have been studies about trauma and stress being passed down in utero. The one that comes to mind for me is about pregnant women who were at or near the World Trade Center on 9/11.
Yes! Kathryn and I talked about this, too. I feel like this could be a toe in the water for a much, much more comprehensive piece, or at least a few follow ups.
Let me know if it ends up inspiring you to do some writing, too! And, if you're not already connected, you and Kathryn would get along well, I think.
I love this post. I think about this stuff everyday with my own kids. I've been in years of therapy and there are still times when I get stressed or triggered seemingly out of nowhere. I often wonder how much is me and how much was given to me by my parents, and their parents, and their parent's parents. I would sit and listen to traumatic story after story, absorbing it like it was normal and felt really out of place when laughing about experiences others were taken back by. I just had no point of reference that was compassionate, safe, or secure...
BUT I do know that I can make sure I am doing everything possible to take responsibility for myself and create an a beautifully vulnerable/authentic life for myself and continue be an example of mostly healthy love an conflict so it can stop with me. I say mostly, because even at 38 I am still unlearning. :)
You know, I always enjoyed telling people how my grandma used to hoard all sorts of seemingly random stuff (ribbons, jars, pieces of string, etc.) What fascinated me about it is that these items weren't just piling up and gathering dust. She had them organized, carefully placed into various containers, and she always remembered where each of them was.
I distinctly recall coming over one day and mentioning that I needed to fix...something. (I can't quite remember what. Let's say it was a missing button on my jeans.) She then told me to walk to a specific chest of drawers in another room, open a specific drawer, find a specific box within that drawer, which contained that one tiny item I needed.
But in all of this retelling, I never truly reflected on what shaped her to become that way. Now that I'm reading your post, I can't help but think she must've had a lot in common with your grandparents and the scarcity mindset of that era.
My grandmother was the same way! First, I think we remembered more things back then. We tend to use external hard drives (like Google calendar, or our phones) to remember things, and so I'm not so sure we're any good at it today. Second, material was much more scarce than labor during the 30s and early 40s (and for far longer in Europe). Today, labor is scarce and we live in an era of material abundance, certainly in the US. Times have changed!
My paternal side came from very little. Frugality was a way of life. Toil, graft and thrift were just way it was. Only time my paternal grandfather left Uk was WW1. His eldest son, RN in WW2. My father conscripted went to post war Germany and upon return never left Uk for 20 years. Graft. Toil. Thrift. Keep everything. Waste nothing. My mother came from similar stock, i just no far less about her family. But trans generational messages were similar. I walk around turning power socket switches off. I shut windows, pull curtains and seal off draughts. I hate waste especially food waste. At least i can compost that back into use. My life in material terms is far richer than my grandparents, because I was lucky enough to receive half decent free education until i was 21. I took up a job with pension after 30 years. I paid for it every month. 10/14% of my salary. I run a 14yr old petrol car. We own our house outright. Free Healthcare is abysmal but we dont have disposal to go private. But at least we can receive healthcare. We are careful about heating. Prices are exorbitant. We heat the people more. Snug elec throws wrapped around with heating on lower than ideal. Long haul holidays are just memory. Who can afford them? Essentially my wife and i are in better place than our parents, but we arent comfortable enough not to worry. So we graft. Toil. And thrift.
Thanks for sharing this, Paul!
Welcome
Really love how this ended up turning out and so grateful that we were able to connect to collaborate on it. Great food for thought here and I also really love the photos you used! Let's keep talking about this ...
Oh yes, this is certainly a toe in the water. Allowing this to percolate will yield some really good results!
Thank you for being an advocate for art & mental health.
The visuals were great! AI was an ally in storytelling 👍
I was brought up by my grandparents and remember how things were kept 'in case'. But when people did that there was no alternative, they often could not buy something they needed. Nowadays everything is available, though once again becoming less affordable. Also, sadly, things are not made to last, and can't be fixed.
My parents were both troubled souls. However, my circumstances were much better than theirs had been as a child (though not always great), and I was more aware of the issues. Since I have managed to have a much more stable mental health than they had, it makes me think their circumstances made them the way they were, rather than being passed down.
I loved this issue and the way you and Kathryn highlighted possibilities to not cancel what was passed on but rather understand. And why not hack the programming?
It is something I have been always interested in and I also witnessed It within my family lineage. Those patterns you receive, once you spot them you better understand your parents, grandparents, and ancestors did the best they could with the resources and information they had. And that is already a lift in many family stories of trials, trauma, and victories. As a black woman and creative this resonates even more with the projected image of what it means to be black, a black woman, a black creative, and just a creative for the genuine thing it is.
I think a lot about what will be passed on. It has even become a quest to hack the programming when needed. To do my part and pass on the best of what I learned. But reading both of you, I wonder if that is even in my control. A gene can be activated with or without a trigger, so what can we do for those coming after?
(This could be a roundtable with those brain experts, mind experts, spiritual experts...)
I will just focus on doing my best now by releasing and understanding and hopefully, that is enough. Infusing the ideas and concepts that I need to grow and reach that place of alignment and peace with what was passed down.
These are pivotal questions and needed conversations. Thank you for tackling the subject and offering us a window into your investigations.
Thanks for weighing in, Keva! I am so honored to have such a great crew of folks here to help me think about these things. I really appreciate it.
I hope this gives you food for thought for future pieces!
For sure, it helps a lot! I don't know if I will tackle the subject but who knows.
You might consider reaching out to Kathryn if you do end up writing. She's been super easy to work with, for what it's worth!
Great idea! Kathryn and I have been thinking of collaborating. It could be an interesting topic especially with a creative angle. Thank you for the guidance, it is of worth!
I agree. I recognised the patterns in my parents and it made me more resilient.
True! Resilience is certainly a mindful trait to pass down. I guess we just double the resilience we receive.
Even if there is no weighting of resilience, many of our parents and ancestors experienced a tougher time in many ways. Nevertheless, knowing our new world of ease, we also bear the fruit of resilience. I guess it a human story, it will never change and its not the point. "Yin and Yang", we thrive in those dark places and maybe that is the continuous superpower we pass down.
I can't explain the bit about skipping a generation, but there have been studies about trauma and stress being passed down in utero. The one that comes to mind for me is about pregnant women who were at or near the World Trade Center on 9/11.
https://www.theguardian.com/science/neurophilosophy/2011/sep/09/pregnant-911-survivors-transmitted-trauma
Yes! Kathryn and I talked about this, too. I feel like this could be a toe in the water for a much, much more comprehensive piece, or at least a few follow ups.
Let me know if it ends up inspiring you to do some writing, too! And, if you're not already connected, you and Kathryn would get along well, I think.
I think so too! I’ll connect with her.
Wonderful to meet new amazing people! Messaging you back now.
I love this post. I think about this stuff everyday with my own kids. I've been in years of therapy and there are still times when I get stressed or triggered seemingly out of nowhere. I often wonder how much is me and how much was given to me by my parents, and their parents, and their parent's parents. I would sit and listen to traumatic story after story, absorbing it like it was normal and felt really out of place when laughing about experiences others were taken back by. I just had no point of reference that was compassionate, safe, or secure...
BUT I do know that I can make sure I am doing everything possible to take responsibility for myself and create an a beautifully vulnerable/authentic life for myself and continue be an example of mostly healthy love an conflict so it can stop with me. I say mostly, because even at 38 I am still unlearning. :)
Andrew, I absolutely love this post and will certainly restack it. Thank you for putting so much thought into this.
Thanks so much, Ben! I'm really glad this one resonated with you. It was a good kind of "stretch" piece for me.
I could tell that you pushed the envelope, and with great effect.
Fortunately, I had a little help from Kathryn!