But someone having an exculpatory explanation for shitty behavior doesn't excuse the behavior. You can waste a lot of time trying to figure people out.
Not aimed at you 🫠. More of a doubting doubting doubt. Doubt and uncertainty are topics particularly dear to my heart so I wanted add that little caveat.
Ahhh, yes. Well, that certainly makes sense, and I agree! Life is complicated, and I like to be at peace with not knowing what everyone's particular motivation is. At the same time, it's satisfying to me to figure out one or two *plausible* explanations. I don't resent the person that way, and even if I'm wrong, it's rare that there's no aspect I can't see.
And also: it's not like it does us much good to stay pissed at someone going 90. I know that emotions don't really follow logic per se, but I'm also cognizant of my own role in guiding myself in a specific direction.
The iceberg imagery is so appropriate. I do like to give a person the benefit of the doubt—when someone snaps at me or puts up a stink about something I (try to) wonder what “injustice” occurred to turn their day/week/life sour. I’ve found that a good first response is “I hear your frustration” and let that sit a moment—a breath—then restate what I had said before their rant.
Also, as an author, I try to “see” the iceberg under the water even if I don’t reveal it to the reader.
When I was grinding I was quick to judge. Not to defend it, but the window to make decisions was narrow. Not the way it should be, but the way it is. Now I don't rush and I try not to judge; the iceberg analogy is apt - we all carry a lot.
Agree. I don't justify my previous behavior, except to say that I have generally always tried to make the wisest decision given all the information present. I was oblivious to the iceberg concept for most of my life, or if not quite oblivious, I certainly would allocate much more thought to this nowadays. I was not likely to err on the side of gullibility, but instead on the side of cynicism.
"...one person could now invent something, and then others could simply copy it..."
The notorious jazz musician Jelly Roll Morton claimed that he "invented" the whole genre in New Orleans in the 1910s, and that everyone else doing it was copying him. However, he was an unsubtle braggart, and while it is clear that Nola was where jazz began, it was- and has always been- the work of more than just one musician.
(And I have to wonder if Messrs. Voorhees, Krueger and Myers might have inspired the current American fashion for serial killing with their actions...).
I wonder about serial killers, too. I think Oliver Stone got this one right in his seminal Natural Born Killers, where he pointed to the media's glorification of mass murderers. I see it all the time with school shooters and the like, where clearly there are other issues, but the media's amplification is certainly not making things better.
But someone having an exculpatory explanation for shitty behavior doesn't excuse the behavior. You can waste a lot of time trying to figure people out.
Wait, was my behavior shitty that day? I'm reliving the trauma all over again!
Not aimed at you 🫠. More of a doubting doubting doubt. Doubt and uncertainty are topics particularly dear to my heart so I wanted add that little caveat.
Ahhh, yes. Well, that certainly makes sense, and I agree! Life is complicated, and I like to be at peace with not knowing what everyone's particular motivation is. At the same time, it's satisfying to me to figure out one or two *plausible* explanations. I don't resent the person that way, and even if I'm wrong, it's rare that there's no aspect I can't see.
True. Whenever someone cuts me off at 90mph, I charitably grant them a case of screaming diarrhea.
And also: it's not like it does us much good to stay pissed at someone going 90. I know that emotions don't really follow logic per se, but I'm also cognizant of my own role in guiding myself in a specific direction.
From the film "Zulu" (1964):
"Why does it have to be us?"
"Because we're here, lad, and there's nobody else. Just us."
It's that simple...😂
https://youtu.be/HUq8gXhI0y8?feature=shared
We're here because we're here because we're here because...
The iceberg imagery is so appropriate. I do like to give a person the benefit of the doubt—when someone snaps at me or puts up a stink about something I (try to) wonder what “injustice” occurred to turn their day/week/life sour. I’ve found that a good first response is “I hear your frustration” and let that sit a moment—a breath—then restate what I had said before their rant.
Also, as an author, I try to “see” the iceberg under the water even if I don’t reveal it to the reader.
I love it. Writing helps you think along these lines too, if you allow it.
When I was grinding I was quick to judge. Not to defend it, but the window to make decisions was narrow. Not the way it should be, but the way it is. Now I don't rush and I try not to judge; the iceberg analogy is apt - we all carry a lot.
Agree. I don't justify my previous behavior, except to say that I have generally always tried to make the wisest decision given all the information present. I was oblivious to the iceberg concept for most of my life, or if not quite oblivious, I certainly would allocate much more thought to this nowadays. I was not likely to err on the side of gullibility, but instead on the side of cynicism.
"...one person could now invent something, and then others could simply copy it..."
The notorious jazz musician Jelly Roll Morton claimed that he "invented" the whole genre in New Orleans in the 1910s, and that everyone else doing it was copying him. However, he was an unsubtle braggart, and while it is clear that Nola was where jazz began, it was- and has always been- the work of more than just one musician.
(And I have to wonder if Messrs. Voorhees, Krueger and Myers might have inspired the current American fashion for serial killing with their actions...).
I wonder about serial killers, too. I think Oliver Stone got this one right in his seminal Natural Born Killers, where he pointed to the media's glorification of mass murderers. I see it all the time with school shooters and the like, where clearly there are other issues, but the media's amplification is certainly not making things better.
"It’s not that the person certainly didn’t do something annoying on purpose, mind you—it’s that there are potential other explanations, too."
Oh nice try, dude! You know exactly what you did. Whatever that was!