You Can't Do That

“You can’t do that!”

What comes to mind when you read that? Is it a little streak of defiance, leading you to think, “oh yes I can; just watch me”?

Do you think about the impossible—things you physically can’t do?

Is it this Beatles Song?

When I was young, I remember the feeling when someone told me I couldn’t do something, meaning I wasn’t allowed to do it. Sometimes I understood that this was for my own protection, and the intention was noble.

Other times, I’d be frustrated by the lack of liberty. In my frustration, I would try my best to do the thing I wasn’t allowed to do.

One of these times happened long before my earliest memory, so I’ll have to rely on the memory of my mother, who has told me this story several times over the years.

I was in my crib—very young, but able to make my way up to my feet, evidently. There was a fan blowing air through my room, and I was fascinated by the physics, the way the air moved around and was pushed out of the way.

In one of my earliest experiments, I managed to grab a container of baby powder and—in order to observe the scientifically important process of air travelling at high velocity—I dumped all of the powder in front of the fan.

Why did I do this? Was it because I was told I couldn’t? I’m not so sure that had much effect, honestly, but the other type of can’t comes to mind: the idea that I wasn’t sure I could get all the way up to the top of the crib, and I had no idea what would happen when I dumped all that powder in front of the fan… but I sure knew something good when I saw it!

One show I watched obsessively during the 80s challenged the word can’t head-on, with the same conception of taking a liberty front and center.

You Can’t Do That on Television ran on Nickelodeon beginning in 1981, and there was a strong sense of defiance against norms packed into every episode. It was a bit like a kid’s version of Monty Python’s Flying Circus.

I like to think some of the irreverence from You Can’t Do That carried through to my permission-seeking mind as I entered young adulthood.

Here are the opening credits, in case you want to feel that nostalgia (if you grew up watching this show):

Society puts plenty of restrictions on what you can and can’t do, but there’s an even tougher arbiter: your own mind. Sometimes you have to figure out how to give yourself permission to do certain things. In other words, you can sometimes tell yourself you can’t do something, and you have to figure out a way around this.

The two types of can’t manifested in my young mind and took control, inhibiting me from experimenting too much with life out of fear.

For me, addressing this meant a combination of wrestling in high school (I was afraid of the physical consequences at first), getting involved with punk rock (I was afraid of the societal rejection based on how you looked), and moving somewhat abruptly to a new city.

Over the years, I’ve gotten better at giving myself permission to experiment with things I want to do, but it’s always an ongoing struggle to improve.

Have you heard the inner “you can’t do that!” voice in your own mind? If there’s a voice in there now telling you that you can’t leave a comment, now is an excellent time to start practicing your own defiance against your inner can’t: