I can definitely relate to being frugal and consciously weighing the costs of my decisions.
I think if I were single, I'd still be pretty content living in a small apartment and have the bare minimum of stuff around me. When I do prioritize "splashing" on some stuff, it's always when I think there's a specific practical function to that cost. So I'd never e.g. pay extra for a computer because it has a flashy design or looks sleek - but I'd be comfortable spending more on it being faster,, having more storage, and other functional stuff I actually need out of it.
I'm not sure if this is the product of my Soviet upbringing. Like you, I grew up not really having to worry about surviving tomorrow. We were also a middle-class family. But I also watched some family members and people around me spend more than they could afford on things and it was often even somebody else's money that they borrowed or got. This probably instilled some form of appreciation for being content with stuff that does the job instead of overspending.
It's weird that we could be so far apart (and under two very different regimes), but have such a similar experience, at least insofar as having what we needed and seeing others around us misbehaving (or just making poor decisions, really).
Having kids changes everything, and it's certainly not the time for the same sort of frugality you might use if you're still a solo act. Same goes for furbabies, too - they have always been one of my main expenses! Of course, you get quite a bit back from that sort of investment, just like your example of faster speed or more memory (vs just arbitrary "looks cool bro").
Yeah for sure. Having kids (or animals you love, etc.) definitely changes the calculus quite a bit. Because now you're not just spending money on "The Thing" but more on the experience you and your loved ones can have with "The Thing," whether it's a vacation or a movie or a new game, etc.
So you're spending money on creating positive memories and sharing the wealth with others in a very real sense.
I also grew up in a frugal household and I, too, lacked for nothing. For instance, I never had the Atari consoles that my friends had. But that didn't matter because, well, my friends had Atari consoles!
Yes! When the Sega systems came out and my folks splurged on a Nintendo one year, there was much back-and-forth across the street for both of us.
This was the way with bigger GI Joe toys, too: one kid in every middle class 'hood would end up with the aircraft carrier, maybe, and the other kids would bring their toys over to add to the party. I guess we learned to be social by playing with other kids who had things we didn't, and we might be throwing out the baby w/the bathwater by letting today's kids have whatever they want.
I was thinking bout this last night. I never had a truly frugal phase like you but I've always lived well below my means. As someone living on disability who still wants to carry my financial household weight, I give myself an a per month allowance to spend on random personal things and stuff for the girls. It's shockingly low but I have no problem spending money on them and no problem not getting certain things for myself. As you wrote, it's not that hard to go without if one has to. But hopefully none of us are forced to that point. Still, I know I'm prepared mentally for it.
I don't want to, but I know I can always go back to that way of living if I have to. I think my own personal frugality wasn't out of need as much as a desire to live life on my own terms, you know? It was a very conscious decision, and while it's way higher up Maslow's pyramid, it was more than enough to drive me to live this way for many years. I was really good at not allowing myself to have anything, ever.
Living in Vermont forced me into extreme frugality. Heating oil was over $4/gallon, and my tank was 500 gallons to fill it, twice a year!!!. Northern New England is no place for a Tennessee country boy.
I had kerosene heaters when I lived in a warehouse for a couple of years. I do NOT recommend this method for heating indoors, but it certainly worked for a couple of years. I hope I don't have secret creeping cancer as a result, but I might.
Yes, I have used kerosene heaters, and they can be smelly. They are not recommended for being couped up in a house for the long winters in Vermont. I also had a useless (for heat) fireplace.
My dad was depression kid and his parents store got flooded out in Pittsburgh. He lived on peanut butter and ramen to get through college on the GI bill. My mom was worse off in a sense - refugee from the nazis and while she was upper middle class in Austria they lost everything coming here. So for sure that got passed on to me but now that I’ve gone through the kids and the big job and they’re now both gone. I feel a little different. You can’t take it with you.
I love that. I can't help with this kind of introspective thinking, but if it's helpful, I am definitely spending a lot of time there with you in my own way this year. I've got a pretty decent time line sketched out of my earlier life, with specific events from my 20s laid out, and a few dates from my teens and even earlier. It's a work in progress, and I fully expect this to take all year.
One small suggestion that might help you (or maybe not, depending on how brains and memory work): go listen to music from that time. It's not songs that came out during that era as much as songs I was listening to back then that trigger surprise details. Maybe some tunes from the late 70s would spark some memories!
I try not to waste money and this serves me well. I can always buy what I need. My parents grew up in the Depression and I am very grateful for everything they taught me. I LOVE your writing. Please keep posting photos of your adorable little Dinkle! ♥️
Thanks so much, Jan! I feel very connected to the generation that lived through the Depression. I think about those times quite a bit. I'm glad you are enjoying the writing an the Dink-Dink pics!
Do you have to kind of correct yourself every now and then? I find myself needing little reminders about my present lack of scarcity vis a vis certain things, like holes in socks and such. OTOH, I like holes.
Ha! And yes. I drive a very expensive car yet find myself breaking out my calculator at the grocery store to see which is cheaper this week: the six pack of soda or the 10 pack. All to save about 6 cents 🤣
At some point, I decided that I would allow myself to drink good coffee every day. It was the pandemic that ultimately allowed this indulgence, even though the grand total was pretty trivial compared to other expenses.
I can definitely relate to being frugal and consciously weighing the costs of my decisions.
I think if I were single, I'd still be pretty content living in a small apartment and have the bare minimum of stuff around me. When I do prioritize "splashing" on some stuff, it's always when I think there's a specific practical function to that cost. So I'd never e.g. pay extra for a computer because it has a flashy design or looks sleek - but I'd be comfortable spending more on it being faster,, having more storage, and other functional stuff I actually need out of it.
I'm not sure if this is the product of my Soviet upbringing. Like you, I grew up not really having to worry about surviving tomorrow. We were also a middle-class family. But I also watched some family members and people around me spend more than they could afford on things and it was often even somebody else's money that they borrowed or got. This probably instilled some form of appreciation for being content with stuff that does the job instead of overspending.
It's weird that we could be so far apart (and under two very different regimes), but have such a similar experience, at least insofar as having what we needed and seeing others around us misbehaving (or just making poor decisions, really).
Having kids changes everything, and it's certainly not the time for the same sort of frugality you might use if you're still a solo act. Same goes for furbabies, too - they have always been one of my main expenses! Of course, you get quite a bit back from that sort of investment, just like your example of faster speed or more memory (vs just arbitrary "looks cool bro").
Yeah for sure. Having kids (or animals you love, etc.) definitely changes the calculus quite a bit. Because now you're not just spending money on "The Thing" but more on the experience you and your loved ones can have with "The Thing," whether it's a vacation or a movie or a new game, etc.
So you're spending money on creating positive memories and sharing the wealth with others in a very real sense.
It might still count as time arbitrage if you are creating memories for the future.
Maybe all that time in the spank bank in middle school was not wasted after all.
I also grew up in a frugal household and I, too, lacked for nothing. For instance, I never had the Atari consoles that my friends had. But that didn't matter because, well, my friends had Atari consoles!
Yes! When the Sega systems came out and my folks splurged on a Nintendo one year, there was much back-and-forth across the street for both of us.
This was the way with bigger GI Joe toys, too: one kid in every middle class 'hood would end up with the aircraft carrier, maybe, and the other kids would bring their toys over to add to the party. I guess we learned to be social by playing with other kids who had things we didn't, and we might be throwing out the baby w/the bathwater by letting today's kids have whatever they want.
I was thinking bout this last night. I never had a truly frugal phase like you but I've always lived well below my means. As someone living on disability who still wants to carry my financial household weight, I give myself an a per month allowance to spend on random personal things and stuff for the girls. It's shockingly low but I have no problem spending money on them and no problem not getting certain things for myself. As you wrote, it's not that hard to go without if one has to. But hopefully none of us are forced to that point. Still, I know I'm prepared mentally for it.
I don't want to, but I know I can always go back to that way of living if I have to. I think my own personal frugality wasn't out of need as much as a desire to live life on my own terms, you know? It was a very conscious decision, and while it's way higher up Maslow's pyramid, it was more than enough to drive me to live this way for many years. I was really good at not allowing myself to have anything, ever.
Living in Vermont forced me into extreme frugality. Heating oil was over $4/gallon, and my tank was 500 gallons to fill it, twice a year!!!. Northern New England is no place for a Tennessee country boy.
I had kerosene heaters when I lived in a warehouse for a couple of years. I do NOT recommend this method for heating indoors, but it certainly worked for a couple of years. I hope I don't have secret creeping cancer as a result, but I might.
Yes, I have used kerosene heaters, and they can be smelly. They are not recommended for being couped up in a house for the long winters in Vermont. I also had a useless (for heat) fireplace.
I'm seeing both of us like roasting marshmallows in front of our kerosene heaters.
HAHAHA! Yes! I have cooked things on a space heater as well.
My dad was depression kid and his parents store got flooded out in Pittsburgh. He lived on peanut butter and ramen to get through college on the GI bill. My mom was worse off in a sense - refugee from the nazis and while she was upper middle class in Austria they lost everything coming here. So for sure that got passed on to me but now that I’ve gone through the kids and the big job and they’re now both gone. I feel a little different. You can’t take it with you.
I am sensing some more very good stories from your past. Your folks have some tales to tell!
I'm trying to come up with decent stories for each of them this year on the anniversary of their deaths.
I love that. I can't help with this kind of introspective thinking, but if it's helpful, I am definitely spending a lot of time there with you in my own way this year. I've got a pretty decent time line sketched out of my earlier life, with specific events from my 20s laid out, and a few dates from my teens and even earlier. It's a work in progress, and I fully expect this to take all year.
It does help!
One small suggestion that might help you (or maybe not, depending on how brains and memory work): go listen to music from that time. It's not songs that came out during that era as much as songs I was listening to back then that trigger surprise details. Maybe some tunes from the late 70s would spark some memories!
That's def easier than finding old smells!
P.S. The punk picture of you is just great!!!
Yay! I was a goober. And also: kind of awesome.
I try not to waste money and this serves me well. I can always buy what I need. My parents grew up in the Depression and I am very grateful for everything they taught me. I LOVE your writing. Please keep posting photos of your adorable little Dinkle! ♥️
Thanks so much, Jan! I feel very connected to the generation that lived through the Depression. I think about those times quite a bit. I'm glad you are enjoying the writing an the Dink-Dink pics!
I was raised in a very similar way and have the same feelings.
Do you have to kind of correct yourself every now and then? I find myself needing little reminders about my present lack of scarcity vis a vis certain things, like holes in socks and such. OTOH, I like holes.
Ha! And yes. I drive a very expensive car yet find myself breaking out my calculator at the grocery store to see which is cheaper this week: the six pack of soda or the 10 pack. All to save about 6 cents 🤣
At some point, I decided that I would allow myself to drink good coffee every day. It was the pandemic that ultimately allowed this indulgence, even though the grand total was pretty trivial compared to other expenses.
Good for you!!